


'Till The End Of The Line

by lieforfun



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Catholic Guilt, Catholicism, Happy Ending, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Period-Typical Homophobia, Religious Guilt, just generally a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lieforfun/pseuds/lieforfun
Summary: Prompt:Maybe Steve is closeted because of a religious upbringing but has been in love with Bucky all his life. They go through childhood and adolescence together. And then once Bucky turns 18 he finally confronts Steve about what he knows are mutual feelings?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	'Till The End Of The Line

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt I received on Tumblr and finished at 4 am last night. All mistakes are my own.

13

“Do you ever think you might not want to get married?”

Bucky looked over his shoulder at the younger man, squinting in confusion. There was hardly a time where Steve felt the need to speak when they sat alone on the rooftop of his and Sarah’s apartment. Usually, those nights are quiet and full of thought, laying on their backs, side by side.

“What do you mean, Stevie?” Bucky asked, leveling his voice to keep the quiet sounds of the crickets louder than his uncertainty.

Steve huffed, reaching up to scratch the spot behind his ear. The spot he always reached for when he was buying time to think, not because it was itchy.

“I mean, there’s so much to do and learn. Getting married means settling down. Besides.” Steve responded without looking back at the older boy. “It’s not like any girl would like me anyhow.”

“Nonsense.” Bucky turned on his side and laid his head on his arm, looking over at the blonde with an endearing grin. “One day you’ll find a girl who’ll love you for who you are.” After pausing a moment. “Of course, she’ll never love ya’ as much as I do.”

“Shut up, you sap.” Steve mirrored his grin as he finally looked back at Bucky.

15

“Bucky, wait!”

Bucky slammed to a halt, leaving his fingers pressed against the buttons of his shirt as he looked frantically at the blonde.

“What??” He nearly shouted, afraid that something had happened, and Steve was hurt.

Steve looked at him wide-eyed, backing up behind his bed and grabbing for the blankets for stability. “Don’t undress in here, go to the bathroom or something!”

Bucky frowned at him. “You’ve seen me naked a hundred times, what the hell’s the deal?”

Steve looked down, his face flushing a bright pink in the wake of his gently shaking shoulders. “Well, it’s not-it’s not right! You shouldn’t be so comfortable w-with another fella,” he stammered.

Bucky looked downright scandalized, hands leaving his shirt and taking a step towards the blonde, who promptly took another step back behind the bed.

“It’s just me, Steve.” Bucky practically begged. “What happened that made you think this is bad?”

Steve glanced at the older boy, sweat beading at his temples as he kept time with his breaths. “Pastor Simmons says that being bare with another man is wrong,” He said quietly. “The bible says man should only be bare with a woman.”

Bucky knew this too, of course, but his momma had said that love comes in all forms. He knew the verses, man shall not lie with man as he does with woman, or whatever it was. But he could see how much the church has instilled this fear into his best friend, he could see the desperation in the eyes of blonde.

“Steve, you know that’s just a load of bull,” Bucky started, reaching forward to put his hand on the younger’s shoulder, feeling the tremor in Steve’s skin grow with every moment. “You know Pastor Simmons ain’t a nice man, anyhow. Why is this upsettin’ you so bad?”

Steve looked up to meet Bucky’s eyes, his own shining with unshed tears. “Please just go change in the washroom, Buck.”

Bucky felt as if the tiny boy in front of him had shoved him backward, his body following the movements of the thrust. He stumbled back, catching himself and standing upright again while focusing his gaze on the ground.

“If that’s what you want.”

17

“Stevie, hurry up! The girls won’t wait forever, you know.” Bucky teased the younger as he struggled to keep in step with his healthier counterpart.

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve huffed, eyes planted solidly on the ground in front of him as he walked.

Bucky had gotten a date with Laura Wilson, one of the most beautiful girls in his class, and whaddya know? She’s got a friend in Steve’s grade. Mary Grace wasn’t all that bad herself, and she was just shorter than Steve. Bucky thought it would be perfect to take them all on a double date to see the fireworks for Steve’s birthday.

They met the girls outside the court building. Mary Grace and Laura Wilson wore strapping and gorgeous summer dresses, the light of the streetlamps making the girls positively glow in the amble of the street crowds. Bucky grinned as he saw Laura light up while they walked towards them.

Laura pressed a kiss to Bucky’s cheek as a greeting, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mary try to do the same with Steve, but the blonde boy had jerked back before the kiss could land. He would likely scold Steve for it later, but for now he pushed them all towards a good spot for the fireworks showing.

Bucky wanted to say he spent the night ogling at Laura, listening to her ramble on about her teacher Mr. Wilford, but he would be a dirty liar if he did. Instead, he watched the slight bob of the curve in Steve’s nose as he watched the sky bombs wreak through blackness of the atmosphere. The way he swallowed when he spoke to Mary. The way Mary looked at him with fondness, as though she was genuinely having a good time getting to know the blonde.

“Didja have fun, Stevie?” Bucky asked as they walked back towards Steve’s apartment.

“Yeah, thank you Buck.” Steve replied lamely. “Mary Grace seems nice.”

Bucky smiled softly, knowing what Steve’s next words would be.

“But I don’t think she’s the gal for me.”

18

Bucky tried not to skip in his step as he walked to Steve’s apartment, knowing he’d find him sprawled across the rooftop again. Bucky had officially turned 18, and the only thing he wanted to do in the world was celebrate with his best friend.

He could barely hear Sarah’s voice as she called a “Happy birthday, James!” after him, taking the steps two at a time to reach Steve’s bedroom and climb through his best friend’s window.

Steve didn’t move an inch when Bucky went to sit cross-legged next to him, just continued to gaze up at the clouds with a glazed over expression. When Bucky leaned back to put his weight on his hands, Steve looked over.

“Happy birthday, Buck.” Steve smiled.

Bucky leaned his head back, feeling the ends of his hair scrape against the brick. “Thanks champ.”

They sat quietly for a while, just enjoying the bliss of silence while they watched the bustle of the city and the peace of the clouds float past.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” Bucky finally broke the silence, leaning forward off his arms and curling into himself. Steve followed suit, bending up to copy Bucky’s motions.

“What’s up?”

Bucky swallowed. “I’m uh. I’m, well. Queer. Have been most of my life.”

Steve stared hard at him, and Bucky could see the knobs turning in his head. “But you were always out with girls?”

Bucky nodded. “I like both. And Steve, I know you do too.”

Steve didn’t move a muscle, didn’t dare speak and Bucky rushed to finish his thought.

“Not like there’s somethin’ wrong with you, but I know you, Stevie. I know you better than I know myself. I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you, and I know the way you look at me. It’s the same way you look at your art, the same way my ma looks at my dad. I know you think the church is going to condemn you for it. I know you think God looks down on it, but Steve, who are they to tell us who we get to love? I can’t help my feelings for you. I can’t help the thought of what we might be if we were allowed to be _happy_.”

Steve’s gaze was far away in a distant, icy place and Bucky began to doubt himself. He’d been so sure of Steve’s feelings. He’d been so sure of the way he’d hide himself when Bucky would take off his shirt in the heat, of the way he looked at him with a charming grin and a sparkle in his eye. He’d been sure of the small touches against his back and nights they spent together in Steve’s bed when he was sick again, just trying to keep warm. He’d been so sure, and yet…

“They’ll try and hurt us,” Steve barely whispered. “They’ll try and hurt you, Buck. Queer’s don’t get to be happy.”

“They do,” Bucky assured him, the blood rushing back to his face as he realized Steve’s admission. “I’ve got a cousin up in Chicago, he says that they have a whole parade for queers. That they have laws protecting them, and maybe one day they’ll even let us get married. Just like regular people.”

Bucky noticed Steve begin to sniff next to him, and immediately he turned to face the blonde and pull him close, feeling his shoulders shake as he tried not to cry. Bucky buried his face into the warmth of Steve’s neck.

“Stevie, I love you. We can do this. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. When I see you suppressing who you are, I _know_ you’re not happy. Please just let me make you happy.”

Steve pulled back to look Bucky in the eye, searching for something Bucky was begging to offer him. Bucky kept his grasp firm on Steve’s upper arms and let him process. Let him figure out what he needed to do. All Bucky had to do was leave the pieces in Steve’s grasp.

Steve surprised him by pulling him down for a kiss. It was chaste, desperate, wet from tears and fear, and Bucky clung to him like he needed the blonde more than he needed oxygen. It was short lived, but during the time it took for Steve to steal the brunette’s breath away, he managed to wrap his arms around Bucky’s neck loosely. When he pulled away, he sighed.

“It’s going to take a while for me to get used to it.” He said quietly. “I know you’ve been patient this long. But I love you too, Buck. More than any dame or any pastor could tell me otherwise. I’m with you ‘till the end of the line.”


End file.
